i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
