Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
