i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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