piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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