Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
