I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
