i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
