I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
