i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
