Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
