i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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