Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There's always time for handjobs
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
