i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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