Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
