he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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