NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
