my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
