as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
