She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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