I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
