were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
