you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
