goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
