if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I supernannyed him into submission
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
