you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
