where does the pee come out of this thing
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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