rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
NoShamevember. You game?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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