I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
