this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
