I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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