I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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