who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
