You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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