I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
