I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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