You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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