I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
