i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
