Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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