She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
