We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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