Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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