I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
