If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
