Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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