You just made me feel so damn special
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
