Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
