its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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