Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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