We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
