Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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