Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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