he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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