yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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