I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
