Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
