can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
