I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
