you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize