i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
