I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
