Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
