I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
