did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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