mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
