I didn't shave. On purpose
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
