Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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