He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
