i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
