you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
