I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
