I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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