My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
