Define "chronic" masturbator.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
