haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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