laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
