Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
